I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
