is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Of course I have a pirate flag
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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