Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
