yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize