Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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