Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
