this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
