I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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