new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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