I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
