Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
