Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
