You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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