Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize