didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
