FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
