I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
