Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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