I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
