So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
