If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
