Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
