Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
