ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
