When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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