We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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