i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
