My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
