Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
