I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
