Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
