Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
