I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
