hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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