TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The ass gains better be worth it
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