I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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