On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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