I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
