i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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