meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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