I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
