just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
