mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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