If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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