well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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