Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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