By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He shit in the fireplace
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
