I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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