it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
