drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
