it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Drake has all the answers
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
