grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
