Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When did angry sex become our thing?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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