My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
