he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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