We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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