She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
