Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
