when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize