Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
