idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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