Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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