He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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