when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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