you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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