Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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