omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
