I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
