I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
