Nicole vs. Life
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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