I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
