Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize