She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
