You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
