You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
