Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
3 2 1 whiskey
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
