So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize