Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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