Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
