If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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