Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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