suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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