My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
