when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
BRING THE BAGELS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
