please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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