Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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