There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
