White coat. Heels.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
