Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
