I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
