I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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