The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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