i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
