You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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