i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
