just tell him i said nine months
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
