A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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