brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
