guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
