I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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