yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
