32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
