I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
