I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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