If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
