fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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