I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
