Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
