at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
