I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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