I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
