Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need a beard to bite.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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