you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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