Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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