I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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