I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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