can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
