Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
