you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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