im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
